I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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