So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
