I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Randomize
