I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
