don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
