I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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