If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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