My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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