ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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