i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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