Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
