Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it's great music for shaving your balls
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
