they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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