omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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