I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
