i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
