Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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