okay pat passed out under dana's car
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
