About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
