im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
