I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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