dude i'm inner monologue high
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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