I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize