sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
