the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
