i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
