Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
