so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
