ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
