even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
