We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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