I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
