so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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