I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize