Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
