Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
