I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
