on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
