what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
