This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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