Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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