turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
