im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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