Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize