well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
