Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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