This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
