can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
