hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
