Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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