Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
