Just fell off a train. Bad.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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