the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
