Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
