i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
