it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
