You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
