mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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