I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
