Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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