and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
