the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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