Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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